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Tuesday, March 20, 2012

The reality of a dreamer


Do you have dreams?
Something you think of when things around you don't go the way you like, or when you wonder what exactly you're doing on this earth?
Well, today mine got crushed.
For the past couple years, every time I put up with people who were mean to me, pretty much every day in high school, or I felt that I did not belong, I imagined myself living in New York City, studying fashion, or photography or journalism (I wasn't sure what I wanted to do back then) and told myself that it would all be worth it later on.
I got news today from one of my university applications saying I was not accepted because one of my "recommenders" did not hand in their recommendation letter.  On the one hand, at least I wasn't rejected because I just wasn't good enough, but because an outside member, whom I reminded countless times, forgot to do something. On the other.. well, I think that's clear.

All this rambling to say, yes I know what I have to do with myself, I have to find a job in New York, and re-apply next semester.

But the feeling is horrendous. All those years of dreaming and pushing myself so that I could reach my dream collapse in front of me, its like all those hard times, that my "dream" helped me through, are just slapping me back in the face now.

In all this self-pity and self-evaluation, I realize, that dreams should remain dreams. Instead of turning my dream into a sure-thing-flash-forward, I should have kept it as a dream.

And I know that I may be dramatizing my situation, but it hurts.

Anyways, now I have to a) find something else to motivate me
                                        b) Just graduate from the program I'm in now
                                        c) Find a job in New York.. + an apartment
                                        d) Find a way to convince my parents to let me move to the US without the excuse of schooling..

Wish me luck?
Thanks :)



9 comments:

sarah rebecca said...

Wish you the best luck :)
Nice picture ♥ Great post. :)
I have so many dreams :)

Jaya said...

a) I think your blog can be one way to motivate yourself. I know that in some past post, you said that you didn't feel inspired anymore or something, and maybe you could spice things up! Go register at independent fashion bloggers and read their tips! adding more content to your blog could be fun! I know that it's one of my own goals :P Also, i think something that could motivate you is to start working on your career even though you might not go to school (don't forget about parsons and fit!) Take some creative writing classes or art classes, refine certain skills that can help you in the future :) That way, at least when you reapply next semester, you already have a head-start!

b) Obviously graduating from Lasalle! haha. less than two months left! how exciting. Do great o your portfolio! And don't do it just to show Gaetan what you can do, i think you should do it for yourself. A cumulation of the great work you've done at Lasalle to help you advance in your work :)

c) Start job searching now! Or even an internship or something. there are tons in NY.

d) I think you should succeed. Instead of "losing" your time in Montreal, when your obviously going to NY sooner or later, explain to them that even though you might not be in school, it'll be the smarter move for your future. Prove to them that you have a plan, and that you won't just move to NY for the sake of moving to NY. Give them a proper future planning including schooling, job, budget, lifestyle, etc. They won't say know if you have all the right arguments.

Anyways, i hope this helps a bit :) You may be dramatizing your situation, haha, but i think i would felt the same way. Just know that once you accept that life isn't over, you'll feel better. That's what I told myself in case I don't get accepted, and that took away a lot of stress. Re-apply next semester, and you'll know next time where NOT to go wrong. I'm always here for you if you need to talk about anything (even though i'm really not an expert at feeling talks and comforting people:p) so don't hesitate to talk to me!! We'll make a starbucks "date" or something :) haha.

I wish you the best of luck Katia! love you ^.^

Jaya said...

oh! and i hope Friday is going to cheer you up! We're going to have fun :) and also, i have like a list of stupid teens feel good movies to watch if you want! hahaha. oh, and if not, How i met your mother is hilarious. You can also take this opportunity to get into kpop? hehe. :3 kpop ALWAYS cheers me up! :) lol

mochaccinoland said...

really sorry to hear that u wasn't accepted by the uni because one of my "recommenders" did not hand in their recommendation letter.

hang in there & push on. good luck & hope your dreams come true.

xoxo
mochaccinoland.blogspot.com

Laura Go said...

I'm sorry to hear about this, Katia. You are such a talented lady, so I know that you'll make it one day! just keep on chugging along and keep positive :)
HUGS!

♥ laura
the blog of worldly delights

Is This Real Life? said...

Ah I'm so sorry Katia, that sounds so upsetting especially when you have pinned all your hopes onto it.

I completly understnad why you feel so upset, its pretty heartbreaking when things like that don't turn out.

I know it might not help you to know right now but i sort of had a similar situation happen to me a few years back. When I was at school I was always the one that knew exactly what i wanted to do with my life-fashion. I wanted to study it, make it, write it, you name it, i wanted to do it with fashion and i had applied to only one art school and didn't get in as my application had been held up by my school.

I honestly just didn't have a clue what to do when i was told i didn't get in, i was always the one with the plan and then all of a sudden I wasnt. It took me a little while but eventually i realised that for some reason i had thought that going to this art school would get me the job of my dreams when in reality it was always going to be my talent, the school was just going to help make it happen a little quicker.

The most important thing to remember and the point of my whole big ramble is that. YOU ARE TALENTED...!
And that doesn't change weither you go to a collage or not.

The only thing left to do now is decide how you, yourself can use your talent to get you the job/life you want.

When i decided to do that I ended up on a completly different path to the one i would have been on if i'd went to art school but honestly, its a way better one for me. I have had so many amazing expereinces and oppurtunitys that i wouldn't have had if things had worked out differently.

I really believe in the saying ' What's for you won't go by you'

Sorry for the mammoth comment i always get carried away writing! HaHa! X

Maria Bastida said...

YAY come to NY!! I can show you the fashionable places of the city hahaha :)
xx

http://thegoldenpaillettes.blogspot.com/

Sally Chau-li said...

I am often criticized by people I don't even know.. sometimes I'll hear rumors about how terrible of a person I am from people I've never even heard of, let alone talked to. There are mean people everywhere, I didn't have people being mean to me everyday in high school but when I did encounter mean people it bothered me a lot. But eventually, I realized that, a lot of times people with talent or who stand out get noticed the most and get critiqued the most. I also love fashion, and sometimes wear things that other people wouldn't, and since you love fashion as well, perhaps that is why people notice you most in a crowd. If people notice you more, you will be more likely to be judged than someone who "blends in".. that's my theory anyway. I think I rambled on a little too much, anyway, I think you are great, I don't know you personally but I like your blog and I love new york city too, hopefully our dreams will come true! Don't ever lose hope. XX
BTW I'm from Canada too :D (Toronto)

Cri said...

oh, dear! I understand you a lot! I'm a lawyer and I was very good student in the College, but now I realized that being a lawyer don't make me happy! My dream about fashion bothers so many of my friends, I tried get some friend to help about the photos, but the answer was: "I don't want to help you with futile things"! I started my blog with no help! And my boss say to me everytime to me that I won't be successful in fashion! It is hard to be a dreamer when we see that our dreams can be hard to realize, BUT IT'LL NEVER BE IMPOSSIBLE! So, do what you can as much as possible to never give it up! Keep going on, because you are not alone! When you need just talk, please email me or add me as your friend in facebook!

The better thing is that you know what you have to do! So, it is time to begin it!

Kisses,
Cri.

ps.: sorry for my bad english!