Tuesday, March 20, 2012
The reality of a dreamer
Do you have dreams?
Something you think of when things around you don't go the way you like, or when you wonder what exactly you're doing on this earth?
Well, today mine got crushed.
For the past couple years, every time I put up with people who were mean to me, pretty much every day in high school, or I felt that I did not belong, I imagined myself living in New York City, studying fashion, or photography or journalism (I wasn't sure what I wanted to do back then) and told myself that it would all be worth it later on.
I got news today from one of my university applications saying I was not accepted because one of my "recommenders" did not hand in their recommendation letter. On the one hand, at least I wasn't rejected because I just wasn't good enough, but because an outside member, whom I reminded countless times, forgot to do something. On the other.. well, I think that's clear.
All this rambling to say, yes I know what I have to do with myself, I have to find a job in New York, and re-apply next semester.
But the feeling is horrendous. All those years of dreaming and pushing myself so that I could reach my dream collapse in front of me, its like all those hard times, that my "dream" helped me through, are just slapping me back in the face now.
In all this self-pity and self-evaluation, I realize, that dreams should remain dreams. Instead of turning my dream into a sure-thing-flash-forward, I should have kept it as a dream.
And I know that I may be dramatizing my situation, but it hurts.
Anyways, now I have to a) find something else to motivate me
b) Just graduate from the program I'm in now
c) Find a job in New York.. + an apartment
d) Find a way to convince my parents to let me move to the US without the excuse of schooling..
Wish me luck?